Are you an entrepreneur? Are you a mother? Are you a lover? Are you a combination of many different things, wearing different hats? OR can you wear just one hat – be everything you want to be all at once?
If you feel you have a good balance of everything you want, a clear identity, and that you’ve got this life thing nailed to a T, then this article is not directed at you. However, if like me, you struggle to know who you are at times and struggle to find balance in the midst of family, work, and personal affairs, then keep on reading and lets work towards achieving a more consistent balance in our lives.
What happens when you say the following words: “Entrepreneur”, “Mother”, “Lover”? You can add specific words to more accurately describe who you are or your specific circumstance (i.e. employee, step-parent, fiancé…). Think about these words and say them to yourself. What happens? How do you feel?
Notice your reaction to each word. Do they make you smile and feel happy? Do they make you cringe, feel worried or concerned?
Now think about saying them out loud to others. What does that bring up for you?
Allow me to share mine as an example so you can see what I mean.
Entrepreneur – Hmmm, I quite like the sound of that! I feel proud that I have developed my own business and work for myself! But do I earn enough money to use such a powerful word? Am I successful enough to call myself an entrepreneur?
I see others who I perceive to be more successful at this than me. Thinking about saying this out loud to others brings up even more feelings of doubt! Will people think I don’t do very much? Are they gossiping about me and questioning why I don’t just get a job?
Mother – This fills me with pride and fear both at the same time! Eek! I think I am a pretty good parent most of the time! However, I also know I can be very wrong at times. This is part of the journey of being a parent though, so I am OK with that. I feel that this SHOULD always be my priority, but when I put my therapist hat on, I know I need to put myself first at times as well.
When I say my feelings about motherhood out loud, I sometimes think people will judge me for doing so many other things like, going away for weekends without my daughter and putting myself first at times. I also sometimes feel judged when people ask me how many children I have; to which I answer one! Does this make me less of a parent in comparison to someone who juggles having 2, 3 or 4 children?
Lover – Should I even be saying this word? Does it just imply sex? Is that wrong? To me, this indicates my intimate relationship with my husband. I don’t just mean sex. I mean the closeness and the togetherness that you have with each other; separate to being a family unit and a parent. You may call it something else. Will people judge me for even using this word, as I am a mum. Should this not even be a priority!?! Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to be a better lover?
This is not even something I would usually say out loud so I must fear being judged, not sure why? Maybe it’s a fear of other parents and entrepreneurs thinking things like, “what are her priorities, her business or her children?” Does this mean I am prioritizing incorrectly?
OK, enough of my vulnerability! I just wanted to share some examples of my personal thoughts and feelings to help you come up with your own.
Can we have all of the above? Of course, why not! You can be whoever and wear as many different hats as you want to in this lifetime! The secret is that it will only be available if you allow it to come into your life.
Looking at what comes up for you when you say these words to yourself or out loud will give you much insight to yourself. It will reveal your comfort zone and how you may want to be perceived versus what you actually, genuinely want in your life.
You may be happy with one main role! And again, that’s OK! The objective here is to help you identify what roles you HAVE in your life, what roles you WANT in your life, and how you FEEL about everything these roles encompass.
Here are 6 tips to help you get closer to what you really want!
*Assurance – You’ve got to be sure of what you really desire in the first place! We can’t reach any goal if we don’t know where the end is. Saying YOUR words like I described above, may help you get an insight into this, based on your reaction from saying the words.
*Authenticity – Be sure you are not just creating a role for yourself or going after a goal just to please someone else. Now of course as parents, business owners, employees and so on we have responsibilities for others. However, our responsibility to take care of our self cannot be over-looked! Once this is sorted out and you are your authentic self, others will be able to benefit even more from you!
*Permission – This may sound simple but it can make a huge difference! Tell yourself that it is OK for you to get what you want! Verbally speak your goals and desires out loud. Tell others around you the path you are headed towards and what you want you want to happen! The point is to not only allow yourself to receive the fruits of your labour, but to let others close to you know this life change as well.
*Empathy – We are big on empathy over here at Shift Happens! Whatever we do, we are going to face discomfort and difficulties. We need to be empathic with ourselves when things don’t go exactly as we want and allow our self to learn from mistakes! It’s normal! Empathising with others may come more natural, but it’s important to empathize with yourself as well. Saying things like, “I can understand why that was difficult for me” helps with self-empathy.
*Trial and error –What we think we want can change and that’s ok!!! Sometimes we are drawn to what we think we SHOULD want, only to realize it doesn’t make us happy at all! Adopting a mindset that supports trying new avenues and switching things up as you go along can set you up for success.
Remember, YOU are fabulous just as you are! We are all work in progress and that’s part of the fun! Whatever stage of this journey you are at, that’s fine, it’s your journey, your life, and your vision! Keep Being Fabulous!